Hot Mess Citation

 

Hot.mess.citation.

Issue citation right here, please.

People often make comments to me that are awkward for me to respond to. Nothing offensive, just awkward. Like how do I respond to this: “Really? You homeschool your three boys with special needs? You must be supermom!” Often times as I try to point out my own flaws, and it still turns around to bite me. I recently shared that I have a minor OCD issue with vacuuming and liking the vacuum lines in my carpet. Everyday. Or how the germophobe in me is constantly wiping counters, clearing out clutter, destroying healthy body oil with hand washing and sanitizers, etc. To which the unexpected response was, “I wish I had that problem.” It is such a constant issue, my boys even poke fun at me every.single.time we get in the car. As soon as I sit down, in their best mom-impersonating voices, they remind each other “hanitizer, boys,” often times making it sound like a cackling witch or over-bearing assistant gym teacher. {I sure hope I don’t really sound like either of those…}

I am a stay at home mom to three boys. I homeschool all of them. I clean my house. I menu plan our meals. I do laundry every day. I keep a butterfly garden and grow our own sweet potatoes. We mill our own wheat and bake our own bread. I come up with my own lesson plans, either in our homeschool or in the art class I teach. When we recently had the opportunity to look inside of an abandoned bee hive, I researched the heck out of hornets and came up with our own mini unit to study them. I serve in our church’s special needs ministry. I teach art to special needs at church. I volunteer in VBS. I volunteer in the community. We volunteer our home and time to families in crisis, allowing them to live with us until the crisis is over. We go to church twice a week. We tithe ten percent. We attend a small group bible fellowship. We donate to Shriner’s Hospital. We buy school supplies for children in poverty. We buy bicycles for missionaries in southeast Asia. We support adoption and foster care. We had our own failed adoption two years ago. We bake cookies for our Sunday school teachers. We’ve got it all together, right? It sure does look like it.

People think that I just have it all together, but I really don’t. I’m really good at cleaning up well, and presenting myself well. But in reality, I’m a hot mess.

I used to enjoy cooking, and even making elaborate meals. But I’m just not very good at it. I enjoy making certain things, but I don’t enjoy cooking. I don’t enjoy cooking for my family. Doesn’t that just sound terrible? In all honesty, Tamer does almost all of the grocery shopping and cooking in our family. Earlier this year, Tamer had to take a three-week business trip. The day he left, my oldest son asked me if we would eat dinner while Dad was gone. I answered of course we would, why would he think otherwise. And the response was quite revealing. “I just didn’t know if we would eat, because the good cook is gone.” Well, okay then. After further questioning, I realized that what he was struggling to put into words was would we be going out to eat in restaurants while Dad was gone, not really whether or not they would get to eat meals.

I must admit, I was a little offended at that! I mean, when have I ever not fed my kids? I feed them every day, even when I don’t feel like it, and even when I’m not hungry. They’re so demanding like that–wanting to eat everyday and all. But I do feed them all of their meals every single day. That being said, I’m still a hot mess, and Junior so eloquently issued me the hot mess citation that day.

Here’s another example of how terrible I am in the kitchen. I can’t even reheat food. Pictured are two pieces of cornbread that my ten year old son made that I ruined. Get that? My kid made a pan of cornbread. A perfect, golden pan of sweet cornbread. I was just supposed to reheat it. It was already cooked. By my kid. I was in charge of reheating two pieces. Hot.mess.citation.

IMG_6773

Another example from the kitchen. Tamer was smoking some ribs one day, and kindly asked me if I would put about 1/2 cup of barbecue sauce in a pan and heat it over very low heat. Why,oh why, would he ask me, I have no idea. I mean, it’s not like he doesn’t know what kind of mad skills I possess. Maybe he needs the citation for this one. No, no he doesn’t, it’s all me. Anyways…I proceed to put 1/2 cup of BBQ sauce in a small pan. I covered the pan, so as not to make a mess. I put the pan on the stove, and turned the eye onto the lowest setting, simmer. Feeling accomplished, I did it! About 20 minutes later, Tamer makes a point to show me that I had the pan on the rear left eye, but had the front left eye turned on to simmer. Hot mess citation.

I’ll leave you with one final example from the hot mess kitchen. I recently tried to be the good homemaking wife. Thought I was way ahead of the game and would start on a crock pot dinner. It was right after lunch, and I thought I would bless my husband by making one of our favorite soups in the crockpot. Just one night where he could get home from work and no one would be clamoring him if he either brought dinner home or knew what he was going to fix, you know, before the kids even come down and harass him about eating, too. :}

Well, this particular afternoon, I thought I would start a pot of chicken tortilla soup. So I started loading ingredients in to the crock pot. Let’s see, I believe I started with water. We had that. Oh, a large can of crushed tomatoes, check. Oh yes, had 1/2 an onion already chopped, let’s toss that in, too. Okay, what else? Uh, how about beans…oh, rrriigghhhttt, yeah, we don’t have any of those. Corn? Sorry, out of that. Cilantro? No? Limes? No. Tortillas? No. Hmm… Oh, chicken! I see…I see that we have no chicken, either. Um, well, maybe I can still pass this off….Ooh, I have salt, I can put salt in there. This was what the soup looked like. I had to ask Tamer to get the rest of the ingredients on his way home from work so I could finish making dinner for him, which obviously, was not ready when he got home. Hot.mess.citation.

IMG_4043

There you have it. Three examples from my kitchen to yours. Please, don’t assume that my skills are limited only to insufficient kitchen abilities.

Hot mess citation, right here. Yes, I’m a mess. A hot mess.


2 thoughts on “Hot Mess Citation

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s